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Comfort Seeker or Cross Bearer?



Are you a comfort seeker or a Cross bearer?

"And if you do not carry your own cross and follow me, you cannot be my disciple." 
--Luke 14:27 NLT

March 17th, 2014
"Do I write about my past? Do I want to open that door? Use me Jesus, and help me to know how to listen to you. I know I hear your voice. But do I take the time to really listen? To act on what you are saying? Lord, teach me to follow you, every second of the day…"

I just came across this  journal entry and reflections from the book "Not a Fan" by Kyle Idleman. It was a rude awakening as I re-read my raw thoughts from March, 2014.  Idleman asks some questions that made me feel a little uncomfortable more than 2 years ago and continue to make me feel uneasy today.

I feel this way because I'm convicted. 

Questions like…. "Am I really carrying a cross if there is no suffering and sacrifice?"
                            or "When is the last time that following Jesus cost me something?"

Statements like…"Contrast the symbol of the cross with our love for comfort. Most of us commit our time and our resources to make our lives as comfortable as possible."

My life is pretty comfortable right now. I like being in control. If there is something that makes me feel uneasy…I'm quick to find the fastest route to get me back in my safe comfort zone.

For about 8 years, I have been ignoring a nudging voice in my mind, heart and most importantly soul. A voice that has been whispering…tell your story….trust Me….let go of your fears…don't just stare or think about your cross….Carry it…share it…. 

 I've made excuse after excuse of why I should stay in the comfort zone of my life... I've worked hard to get here….my life finally feels normal now…I've been through enough already….why do I have to think of the dark days again….I FEEL JOY again…I don't want to lose my joy…Lord, haven't I already carried my cross?…who am I that others will want to hear my story?….

 BUT YET…I hear a strong, consistent, loving voice that says….Follow me. 


 Here I am Lord, give me strength to chisel away the wall I have put up. Help me trust your Voice. Prepare my mind, body and spirit to unclench my fists that have held on and tried to gain control. I'm done numbing and pretending that I don't remember those dark, cold days of feeling joyless.

 Help me to emerge from the shadows of self-doubt and fear to bear my cross. Give me the tools to deal with the emotional burden of rehashing my past for Your Glory…to continue my journey of healing in hopes that it will bring comfort to others.

Yet…JOY!

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Blessings!
Sara

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